Monday, November 2, 2015

The Glory and the Lifter of My Head


“But Thou, Lord, art a shield for me, the Glory and the Lifter of my head.” 

Psalm 3:3


There have been many, many days these last months, when I needed the Lord to be the Glory and Lifter of my head. 

I have prayed it out loud sometimes, pleading for His grace. 

And I have prayed it silently, in my mind’s eye seeing Him hold my head up above the surface of the water, though the rest of my body felt immersed.


Day after day, He does this for me.


I don’t know what trials God may have for you in your own life now, but my prayer for you today is that He is the Glory and the Lifter of your head. 

He is trustworthy.  He will do it for you.




Friday, September 25, 2015



The last time I wrote something here, I was just beginning to realize God was about to take me through a new trial in my life.  But there was truly no way to know on that day, late in April, just what He was doing.

Layers have been peeled back in my life these past five months.  One painful layer after another.  Sometimes just one at a time, and sometimes more.  I have known shock, pain, grief, betrayal, and much more, on a level I have not known to this point in my life.  God has given me much.  Yet He has never left me.  He has continued to provide in every way.

My Jehovah Jireh.


Today, He continues to carry me through this difficult trial.  In ways I can’t number. 

Or tell you. 


But what I can tell you is that He never forsakes us. 

He never forgets us. 

What He has ordained for me, for my family, is good.  All of it, He is working together for good.  His glory and our good.


I am changed forever. 

But it is good.

And I love Him even more.


And although there is so much more I could say, and may yet in the days ahead, I think that my Kate’s words this week are a poignant glimpse into where we are right now.

A dear friend asked Kate, who is 15, how she was doing.  Her reply may surprise you.


She said she wouldn’t change a thing.


She said first that this trial has brought her closer to God.   And she is thankful for that.

She said God has used this trial for her mom’s sake.  And she is thankful for that.

She said God has used this trial for her dad’s sake.  She is thankful.

And she said she is grateful for dear friends and how God has used them to demonstrate His love for us, and in the midst of it He has knit our hearts together in a way that goes beyond words.

He makes families of some, who are not born into families together.  

For that, she is thankful.


And so am I.


When you pray, please pray for us.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015






There are times in all our lives when we stop and reflect.  Looking back over the course of all our days thus far, remembering trials and joys, laughter and pain.



We think of things we said, which we wish could be unsaid.


Times we know we could have been more thoughtful, more loving, more selfless toward others in our actions and words. 


Memories play back behind the curtain of our eyes, our windows to the world, and we experience a semblance of the emotions we felt so intensely at one time, as we remember.


As a young mom, I often reflected on my words to my little ones, when I lay down in the quiet of night.  Regretting this harsh word spoken in a moment of anger, or a choice I made regarding loving and teaching them which I felt wasn’t good enough.

Wishing I could do it over. 


But there aren’t do-overs in our lives.

There is only now.


And our kind Savior redeems it all, our sins and mistakes – and even the things we view with pride or satisfaction in ourselves, yet which in reality can never measure up to what God accomplishes over and above us. 

In spite of our best efforts.  In spite of our worst mistakes.


His redeeming love is the ultimate consolation. The ultimate encouragement.  The ultimate comfort.

The ultimate reward.


As you reflect on your life, day by day, week by week, or even sometimes, hour by hour….  remember that there is always hope. 


Hope for damaged relationships.

Hope for brighter days ahead.

Hope for forgiveness.


And that hope has a name.



Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.  To prosper and not harm you.  To give you a future and a hope.”

Thursday, April 16, 2015



We are blessed on both sides of our families!  We love each other, and love to be with each other!


This year we hosted Easter at Kenilworth for the Orr Family.  We had a wonderful time, as usual.  Laughing, eating, just enjoying each other and the time we have together.

I thought you might enjoy just a few pictures from the sweet time we had!


Here are a couple of my sisters-in-law, minus one!  And two of my wonderful girls!



We decided to be a little atypical this year and have a potato bar and sides, instead of the usual ham.  Primarily because most of us were going to be having ham the next day with our other families. 

We had all kinds of toppings for the potatoes – bacon, sauteed mushrooms, onions, jalapenos,salsa, cheeses, olives, etc.


Plus plenty of sides, and our traditional Orr desserts. 



Of course we all enjoyed the food – we are Orrs!!!  Food is our specialty! 


It is the thing we all love to talk about – and like we’ve said before…. 

it means we never argue! Winking smile


Although it is a few weeks past now….



our memories of the day are just as near and dear.


I hope the things you are doing on this day, will give you memories near and dear in the days ahead!

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

In Pursuit of Beauty


All families have talents, the gifts God has given to them to use for His glory, and for us to appreciate.  Some families are athletic, some are musical, some are artistic, and some are a wonderful combination of many different talents and skills.


In our family, the arts definitely edge out any ability for athleticism.  We do not run fast or throw well.  When we pitch a Frisbee, it usually zings crazily off to the side, spending more time rolling away on its edge rather than spinning gracefully and smoothly through the air.  


Once when he was two, Luke swung a bat with perfect aim – hitting me squarely in the nose. 

At least it was a little red plastic bat.


But when it comes to drawing, our girls have sweet gifts.   Which certainly don’t come from me, but instead run strong and true through their daddy.


They absolutely love drawing, and I honestly can’t remember a day when one, or all of them, haven’t spent some time drawing, whether it was hours, or just minutes. 

They produce beautiful art in vast quantities – far more than I can keep and store. 


Sometimes we give it away. 

Sometimes we simply admire it for a little while.



And beauty is found in other artistic talents as well… like music.

In some families, music is a special way of expressing joy, togetherness, love.  Of praising God with their voices or with instruments, like piano or guitar.

We love singing, and harmonizing has long been a tradition, literally for generations, through my side of the family.

We don’t just sing Happy Birthday in unison!  Nope!  We must harmonize it! 


There is the beauty and elegance of dance!


We are particularly fond of ballet.  But there are many, many different types of dancing in which people excel at demonstrating beauty.



And then there is the beauty of poetry.

Several years ago the children and I began memorizing poems as part of our school day.  I think to date we have memorized 55 poems!  Short ones and long ones.  Funny ones and sad ones.

I love the musicality of them.  The rhythm, the cadence.  I love the way the words are edible!  We wrap our mouths around them and savor their delicate consonants and vowels.


And some of them are achingly beautiful..

like this one..

The Destruction of Sennacherib by Lord Byron

The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,
And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold;
And the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea,
When the blue wave rolls nightly on deep Galilee.

Like the leaves of the forest when Summer is green,
That host with their banners at sunset were seen:
Like the leaves of the forest when Autumn hath blown,
That host on the morrow lay withered and strown.

For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast,
And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed;
And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill,
And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!

And there lay the steed with his nostril all wide,
But through it there rolled not the breath of his pride;
And the foam of his gasping lay white on the turf,
And cold as the spray of the rock-beating surf.

And there lay the rider distorted and pale,
With the dew on his brow, and the rust on his mail:
And the tents were all silent, the banners alone,
The lances unlifted, the trumpet unblown.

And the widows of Ashur are loud in their wail,
And the idols are broke in the temple of Baal;
And the might of the Gentile, unsmote by the sword,
Hath melted like snow in the glance of the Lord.


See what I mean?! 



What are the talents of beauty, the lovely gifts your family has been given? 

Do you see them?

Are you using them?


Use them to worship the One Who has given them to you!

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Love Notes!


I don’t know if you know, but Olivia was our sweet surprise!  We weren’t supposed to have any more children.  But God gave her to us anyway.  We adore all our children – and there were lots of tears shed and prayers prayed for each of them before they were given to us.  But that little cutie came without prayers and tears beforehand – God just gave her to us for free!


Olivia and Mommy58


Often on the Lord’s Day, if it is just our family here, we read together, or nap, or talk.  Sometimes, the little girls like to pull out my iPad and type notes to me in the Notes section.  Sometimes I don’t even see them for a while!

But I thought you might enjoy this little tidbit.  Love notes between Olivia and me, one quiet Sunday afternoon. 



Dear mother you are very kind to me every morning since I was a tiny baby, now I shall give you something in return.  Would you like a back scratch or a foot massage? Or would you even like a..... Cookie? I would like a cookie. that would taste so good, don't you think? I mean I can't wait till grandma and grandpa both get here, I will be as polite as I can.hey did you see that? I just made a AS sandwich around the polite! That is just..... So funny!!!!

With all of my heart,

Olivia c. Orr


My dearest darling girl!

For me nothing is sweeter than to be with you.  Sitting here feeling your little snuggly warm self next to me, and hearing the soft rising and falling of your breathing makes me very happy indeed.  I feel as though there could not be anything more lovely this minute than having you as my wee little girl!  I love you very much!

Your loving mother,

With all her heart!   

Oh my mother you are sweet inside.when I feel your breath on me I know that  yours is truly more beautiful than mine, when I hear your voice it is like a beautiful song in my heart, a very very pretty song. And when daddy snuggles you, I feel wonderful seeing the both of you together, you and daddy will always be better than I am in Christianity. And I will always hold your image in my heart.

Sweet and lovely daughter,  your words are just like honey to me!  They taste sweet and golden in my mouth and they make a cozy puddle in my soul.  When I hold them up before my eyes, I see the delicate strands and tendrils of your love for me and they make beautiful music in my heart.  I love you, little Olivia!


And then later in the same day..



      how much times have People  forgotten your name? I'd really like to know, it makes me want to punch anyone who did. People like that are very mean, i don't like them very much. But I really can't wait to eat the popcorn that you are going to make. I can already smell it. Don't you think popcorn tastes and smells so good. I think so.... When are you going to make popcorn? I forgot.

I really don't know how many times people have forgotten my name.  I think it might be a good thing.  You're awfully young and pretty to be punching people.  Let's not, OK?  :)

I will make popcorn when Daddy finishes the chapter.  Yes I do think it tastes and smells good.  Very good.  Very, very good.  And hot. I like it.  I'm glad you do, too.


    ...what do you mean by "let's not, ok?"I literally have no idea what you mean. It makes no since. I really hope that you had a very nice sleep. I hope that I didn't annoy you during it. Mommy you are the most beautiful woman in the world, and you are very nice the way you are. I love seeing your face every morning, it is so beautiful. I will love you as long as I live, so that means I will always love you.


I pray for you today, that you will share love notes with your children, and your husband.

For they are sweet, precious gifts to you – given by a Loving Father Who loves you even more!!  And He shares His own Love Notes with you, too.

Go, my friend!  Read them today!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

How Much We Should Love Him


"Mommy, will you sit on my bed while I read my Bible?  Please?!"

This is almost a nightly request from Isabella.  She loves it when I sit there, while she reads her Bible to me.

Some nights, I'm just too tired.  Or I think I am. 

And I tell her, “Oh, not tonight, Baby.  Can we try tomorrow night?” 

But often I plop myself down next to her and listen.

Last night was one of those nights.

And as I lay there halfway dozing, listening to her read from Matthew, she suddenly stops. 

Lays her Book facedown on her chest and says,


"Ooh!  I am just getting so mad!"


She made an angry face. Sweet little lips pursed and her eyebrows furrowed.

Me:   “Why?  Mad about what?”

Isabella:     “How could they treat Jesus that way?!   How could they hurt him?”

Me:     “Because they didn't love Him like you do.”

Isabella:     “But didn't they know He was God’s Son?!”

Me:     “They didn't believe Him.”

My sweet Isabella, eyes tearing up and her sweet lips trembling.  Looking at me with sadness.   Like she might cry.

And after a few quiet seconds..

Isabella:    “I'm sorry!”

Me:     “Why!?”

Isabella:    “For crying.”

Me:     “Baby, don't be sorry!  Those tears are good tears. The best kind of tears.  The kind that make God happy.  Those tears are for Jesus.  Because you love Him.”

And now, she smiled very happily at me.  Eyes shiny and wet. 

She sat up suddenly and leaned forward – and hugged me hard, pressing her soft cheek against mine.



I think…. that is how much we all should love Jesus


Monday, February 9, 2015

My China Doll


I woke up a few minutes ago, after falling asleep in Sophia’s bed with her, her arms tightly wrapped around me, mine tightly wrapped around her.  She asked me to be with her and hold her until she fell asleep, so she would feel comforted. 

She and I have just spent two consecutive nights in the ER.  It’s been quite a while since we’ve made a visit to the ER. So long, in fact, I have begun to feel there is more of a breathing space between those dense, dark woods of her first several years and the bright, wide open pasture we have been enjoying.  Those years when it was the norm for us. 

She was born with a rare “textbook” condition – Congenital Lobar Emphysema.  She seemed fine initially, other than her prematurity – born at 32 weeks with Isabella, both girls weighing less than 4 lbs.- but by day 6, she couldn’t keep her oxygen levels up.  Extreme swelling of her right side necessitated an x-ray, which revealed the unusual condition.  Surgery was 4 hours later – and God was merciful.  She made it.

Having no experience at all with a child with one lung, and a floppy airway, Glenn and I took a crash course the first few years.  Her first major hospitalization was at 6 months old.  I remember trying to get her to nurse at the hospital  – which she was desperate to do, but could only do with short, forceful pulls, turning away after each attempt with frustration and deep gasps, flailing her arms and kicking her tiny legs.  Sweat dampening her entire body with the effort, while Isabella lay crying next to us on the vinyl hospital couch waiting for her turn.  Glenn at home taking care of the other kids – aged 3,4,6,8.  The kind nurses sent a young hospital volunteer to our room to ask if I needed help.  Of course I said, “No thank you, we’re fine!”

Looking back now – 10 years later, my ignorance is almost embarrassing to me.  How little we knew then.  How much we know now.  Yet still not quite enough.

She’s had innumerable x-rays, bronchoscopies, surgeries, breathing treatments, medications, and ouches. We’ve met intensely dedicated, compassionate, smart hospital people. 

Her last surgery was 4 years ago – when a cardiac surgeon stitched the pericardium of her heart to her sternum, that narrow bone at the top of your chest.  He had to do this to keep her lung from continuing to herniate over into the space where her right lung used to be.  Where the second saline implant sits now.  Doing this provides necessary structural support to her chest area, so the left lung won’t grow too large again and squeeze her still-too-soft airway against her spine.

It was especially during that time period we began to see some of the compassion and insight which God was using these experiences to give to her.  After one of our trips to Cincinnati Children’s Hospital for a scope, Isabella and Sophia were sitting together on the sofa in the family room.  Izzy was admiring the little stuffed animals and trinkets the hospital staff had given Soph while we were there that day.  She must have made a comment about them, because suddenly I heard Sophia telling her, “Izzy, it’s ok to want my things, but don’t ever want to be me.  Today people hurt me, and took me away from Mommy and Daddy, and it was scary.  So you can want my things, but just don’t want to be me.”       

She was just shy of seven years old.


But God is still merciful, and after so many years of hospitals and doctors, things are easier.  

Until something like now happens.  When I look at her and see her slender body working harder than usual to breathe. 

Because she has a cold. 


We’ve done all the usual things the past 10 days, watch for a fever, begin 4 hour breathing treatments, extra Vitamin C, Ibuprofin to prevent that dreadful pleurisy which she seems prone to get now, and monitor her oxygen levels.  But still it’s not enough, and we have to make decisions about what to do.

And then at the hospital, we have to make decisions about what to do.  Again.  Because the ER doctors don’t know her, I do.  And although they have a protocol for children with two lungs, they are unsure and a little intimidated about what to do with her.

I have never yet heard any doctor or nurse tell me they have seen a patient like her before.  Instead they say they have never seen anyone like her. 

So as she sits next to me, drawing quietly on a piece of paper, little pieces of clothing and accessories for our pencil people, and she tells the doctor we are “shopping for free”, decisions have to be made.  Hard decisions about IV’s, and ambulances, and what is the safest and best thing for her.

And suddenly, after 4 hours, things begin to change and we can all see that this time it is mucous plugs.  And they have finally moved themselves out of the way, letting her oxygen levels raise back up to normal, and slightly easing the retractions in her throat.  X-ray is clear.  Breathing treatment has been given.  Our options are changing.

I had already told her there was going to be an IV, which had brought uncontrollable, quiet tears from her.  Now, an hour later, plans had changed, and we could go home.   But the ER doctor had noticed her tears from before, and although I had evaluated that he was a pragmatic kind of man, he was moved by her.  He reached out towards her shoulder lightly as he left the room, saying, “It’s gonna be OK, China Doll.  You’re going home.”


I woke up a few minutes ago, after falling asleep in Sophia’s bed with her, her arms tightly wrapped around me, mine tightly wrapped around her.  I wanted to write this down because I want a memorial for her.  A memorial of God’s faithfulness to her, and His kindness to her.  Last night as we talked before she fell asleep, she said, “I wish I didn’t get sick.”  And I reminded her (and myself) that it was the trial God has given to her, and I sometimes wish I could take it from her.  But then she wouldn’t know so well His loving care for her, and how He is using every minute of every sick time to draw her closer to Himself, and grow her faithful and strong – in her soul.

I’m going back up to her now, my little China Doll.  I want to keep my eye on her tonight.  And my arms wrapped tightly around her.  Just counting my blessings.



Friday, February 6, 2015

Step by Step


I think from the time we started having children, we have had medical bills.  So it seems we have been paying medical bills, all the time, for a long time. 

There are always at least 3 or more medical bills we are paying at a time. We pay one off.  We accrue more.  It’s been a continual cycle.  Especially with a child who has had unique medical issues from birth, and has regular visits to specialists.  But she’s only one of seven. So the others have taken their turns at the doctor’s office and in the ER as well.  And even Glenn and I occasionally have something that pops up, necessitating a visit with the doctor.

But for the first time in almost 12 years, we are medically debt-free.  It’s huge!  We had a celebratory dinner the day I called and paid the last bill, just a few weeks ago.


Here you can see all the scribbles I made as we paid down one of the last bills we owed.  It was over $3500 initially!  But every two weeks, I made a payment.  Sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on how many other medical bills we were also paying.  I began to keep track of the balance, at some point, for visual encouragement. 

And when we paid it off, it was a tangible memorial for all of us, that step by step, little by little, God gives us the ability to accomplish big things, sometimes overwhelming things, in our lives.  And in the midst of it, we should not lose faith.


“Faith- the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen.”  Hebrews 11:1

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

A Pink Hutch


 DSC02146 - Copy

One of the many challenges of an old house is storage.  Well, the lack of storage. 

When we moved here to Kenilworth, we had to get a little creative with where to put things.


Thankfully, the girls bathroom upstairs is fairly large, and was able to accommodate the hutch which used to be in their bedroom.  This was good because not only does it hold make-up and perfumes and lotions, which are typically used in a bathroom, they also hold toys.  Lots of Little People toys and things that are hard to keep track of if you don’t just toss them into one large container.  In this case – the large container is a hutch.


But the yellowish color of the hutch was really too much for the small bathroom. 

I had in mind to paint it for quite a while – I just wasn’t sure about the color.



But at last I figured it all out and spent several hours on it one day.  I sanded it a little, primed it, and then painted. 

DSC02148 - Copy

Afterwards I distressed it ever so lightly, and then waxed two coats to keep it from chipping too much.

DSC02147 - Copy

The results are just what I wanted.  It makes the bathroom seem bigger, and quieter.  Plus, the little bit of pale pink on some areas of the hutch gave a sweet contrast.  This is a little more obvious in person. :)


Even though the before shot isn’t the best, I think you can still see the difference it made.

 IMG_4743      DSC02143



The girls are tickled. pink.  ;)



Have a good day! 




sharing with Miss Mustard Seed

Monday, January 19, 2015

Sneak Peek


I’ve been making some changes in the boys’ room over the last couple of months. 

Here and there, a little bit at a time.

I have one more major project to finish and then it is done.


But I thought you might enjoy a little sneak peek to whet your appetite…




I’m pretty excited about the changes.


So far the boys have given me their thumbs up approval, and we all agree it is looking more manly and appropriate for big boys/young men.


Hopefully I’ll soon be sharing the changes and you can tell me what you think.


Hope you are having a good start to your week!

Friday, January 16, 2015

Laundry Room Part 2


A while back, I posted an update to the changes we were doing in our Laundry Room, in this post last year.


It might seem that we forgot about the laundry room, or even that we didn’t make any progress since that post.

Well, for a while we didn’t.  It just took time to make it a priority again. 

And because I knew we couldn’t finish it the way I really would like to yet, I admit I felt a little blah about it.

Sometimes it’s hard not to be an “all or nothing” kind of person when it comes to projects. But living here is teaching me some good lessons in that respect.


I want to have glass front cabinets hanging over the washer and dryer, and maybe even a large wardrobe/linen closet on one wall… or just shelves over the folding table, and a wall mounted wooden drying rack.   

But the glass front cabinets need to be built by my Honey, since they need to fit exactly into the allotted space.  Which isn’t a standard size cabinet space.  I’m still looking….but *we* are doubtful about finding some that will fit.  And “we” certainly know alot more than “I” do about such things.

In the meantime, I decided that a counter and shelf over the washer and dryer could definitely be a help for now, and of course the counter will stay, even with glass front cabinets over it eventually.


Glenn built the counter and shelf, and I primed and painted them several months ago, and that is how things have stayed.


(imagine the shelf and counter painted – and the cereal box gone)


But a few weeks ago, we were at Lowes together and I spotted a rug which I thought might look great in the laundry room. 

And it does!



Buying the rug seemed to cause a domino effect, and proved to be the momentum for some forward progress!

Not long before, on a Goodwill trip, I spotted two white bowls.  At first I didn’t buy them, because I couldn’t figure out where to put them. But after getting the rug, I remembered those bowls, (well maybe they are pots?) and I knew just what to do with them.

Thankfully, they were still there when I went back.  I brought them home and filled one with our laundry soap, and assigned the other to holding the damp dishcloths waiting to go into the washer.


Glenn mudded the ceiling seams, finished the door trim, and made a small hanger for the ironing board from some leftover trim and two small hooks.


I remembered an extra mirror in our closet, which I had taken down when I did the art gallery walls.  It was a little too gold/brassy for the laundry room, so I took an artist’s brush and painted it to look as though it was old and worn down a little, so the gold would show through still. Just not quite as brightly.

IMG_9592     DSC01964

I hung the mirror over the folding table, and moved the three framed prints I made years ago to the wall near the washer.

I even stood on a step stool, while Glenn was mudding the seams, and stitched a little sock chain for the chandelier from old sheet scraps.

So although it isn’t just how I envision it yet, and we still have baseboard trim to do, it looks much better!


The rug is thick and warm under our feet, the mirror reflects the sparkly chandelier, and the white bowls look much prettier than the plastic ice cream container and glass jar I was using before.


Now, if we can just keep up with all the laundry! 

Thanks for stopping by.

Have a great day!

Monday, January 12, 2015

Picnic Baskets


For years, my solution for storing crafts, math supplements, coloring books and extra pencils and paper has been plastic bins.


Which worked great as far as practicality and price are concerned.  They are inexpensive and easy to find. 

But there is that aesthetic factor, that I can’t help but notice after a while.

They just aren’t lovely.


And eventually they started cracking and breaking.

Of course the practical side of me said I should just replace them with more plastic bins. 

But the beauty-lover in me said surely I could find something prettier?


So I kept it in the back of my mind, and one day, while I was casually browsing through the basket section at Goodwill, I saw a very pretty picnic basket for just a couple of dollars.  And I thought it might work.



So I took it home and filled it with the math supplements. And I loved it.

I had another picnic basket in the family room, which we’ve had for years and had just been sitting, gathering dust.  I filled it with the puzzles, which fit perfectly in it.  We don’t use them often, mainly just when we have guests with small children, so I put it on the bottom of the shelf.



Then a month or so later, Glenn brought home a small picnic basket he had been given through his work.  It had small jars of jellies and some chocolate bars.  And it was just right for the dozens of extra pencils and colored pencils and sharpeners which don’t fit in the pencil basket on the school table.

I filled it up with them and sat it on top of the puzzle basket.



At that point, I was checking Goodwill for picnic baskets whenever I went for something else.  But for a while I couldn’t find any.

And then one day – there was a really big one! 

I was so excited because it was just what I needed for all our crafts!



Now I only needed one more for all the coloring books and colored paper.  So it would have to be a big one. 

I looked and looked, and after another month or two, I found one.



And I was finished.

I think they look so much better than the plastic bins. 

And the most I paid for one was $5.

I don’t expect them to last forever, but they should work for a long time. 

And when they eventually do start to fall apart, I know where to look for replacements. 



I just may need to be patient.