On Kids and Chores and Gratitude

(This post is in response to a sweet comment on the girls’ garden party post. Although I didn’t intend originally to make my reply a blog post (!) by the time I was finished I couldn’t post it in my comment section because it was too long, and I thought maybe someone else might find something of benefit in our conversation.)
Hi Sandy!

I'm very glad you commented! It brought tears to my eyes when I read that you had a miscarriage, (I'm so sorry!) and that God used the words He gave me in that letter to comfort you.  I kept thinking about that yesterday - with amazement.  Truly it is not to us, but to Him belongs glory.  His kindness and mercy reach beyond anything we can imagine, don't they?
Thank you for your kind words about our home, too. Oh my! How God has sanded some pointy corners off me in that area.  :)  I'm thrilled for you that you can be home and homeschool your 2 little littles.  You'll never regret it!  It's hard work - but it's the best kind of hard work I've ever known.
I am happy to share some of the things we do in our efforts to maintain order around here.  Feel free to sift through them and add them to your mixing bowl as your family grows and changes.  Although I imagine your philosophy will remain consistent, your approach will most likely have several transitions.  I know mine has!  
I look for ways the kids can learn to be responsible and feel their contribution is important to our family. For instance, everyone has a laundry day, where they are in charge of running all the dirty laundry through the washer and dryer. We all help fold and put away each day, but only one is in charge of making sure it all gets clean! During busy school days, they can change a load in between subjects, or before or after lunch.

For years, we've had "teams" for kitchen clean up. I spent time in the beginning showing them the things I wanted them to do, wipe counters, clear the table, vacuum, etc. The makeup of the teams has changed many times, depending on the age and ability of the kids.  For a while we've had the girls alternating days with the boys. Recently Glenn had a great suggestion for a change that we are all very pleased with! Instead of the teams doing all 3 meals for each day, we have switched things up.  So now the twins and Olivia take care of breakfast clean up, Kate and Noah do lunch, and Alix and Luke do dinner.  The kids think this is great! So you see how we have maintained our philosophy that the kids should be helpful and learn responsibility in the kitchen - but our approach for the way they are doing that has modified.

We don't have assigned jobs for the kids regarding most things. If they want to assign the tasks within their teams when they clean, they do. But our attitude has been that we all are blessed to be in this family together, so we all work together. I'll call different kids to set the table each night, or to run in and fold a couple of loads, or to take the trash out.  And although I try to mentally keep track and spread it out among them, we emphasize that there is no perfect "evenness" of effort.  Life will never be perfectly "fair”, and we want them instead to feel thankful.  Thankful they have healthy bodies and minds and can do the things that need to be done around a house. Thankful they are blessed with many sisters and brothers and can serve each other... and know the blessing of being served! :) We want them to have willing, obedient hearts no matter what they are asked to do.

We clean house on Saturdays - sometimes Friday afternoon if we have time.  I showed the kids the way I wanted them to clean the kitchen/bathrooms, vacuum, etc. when they were younger. When they were little, they all came with me with rags in hand and we worked together. Now they can do it without me.  We wipe down the kitchen and bathrooms, clean the toilets and wash the bathroom floors, take out trash, and vacuum. They take turns each week, deciding among themselves now and pairing up for the jobs they know need to be done.
Their rooms are their responsibility, and although we like them to be generally picked up by the end of the day, I don’t require everything in its place. I used to, but not anymore. So they help each other pick up toys and clothes.  But sometimes after a particularly busy day, I may find myself stepping over clothes that were tossed aside, or books strewn about, as I sit down to read to the little girls in their beds.  And it’s ok.  Even though I like things tidy, I’d rather spend time at night reading to them, then cleaning up.  I’ve realized that now is when they are my little babies, too soon they won’t be little anymore.

I've learned to alter my expectations of them, depending on age/experience, etc.  And although they work hard, they aren't going to do it exactly like I would.  And that's ok!  I just try to be part of the teams every couple of weeks so I can catch something they may have missed. 

Can I share a funny story with you about this?  One night after dinner, about 7 years ago, I remember feeling frustrated with poor 10 year old Luke.  He was using the shop-vac in the kitchen after dinner and I noticed he was missing what I thought were incredibly obvious crumbs! Probably on purpose! I began to point out the error of his ways to him, when Glenn stopped me and pointed out something *I* was missing.  I remember saying something like, "I don't think you care about those crumbs on the floor" to Luke.  And then Glenn gently said, "He's a 10 year old boy.  You're right, he doesn't care about the crumbs on the floor."  :) What a light bulb moment for me! How ridiculous I had been! I laugh right now as I think about it.
 
The kids are learning practical, helpful things about stewardship and responsibility as we teach them how to clean, and how to order things, etc. But their motivation for doing this is entirely different than mine!  They want to please me with their efforts. They really don't care about how many dangerous germs they have just removed from the bathroom. What matters to them is that I am happy with their efforts, and that God sees their obedience. So I try to remember to encourage them as they are working.  They love to hear words of praise, it makes them work even harder! Especially if I point out something specific they have done well, when they didn't realize I had noticed. And when we're finished with our Saturday chores, or preparing the house for company, I often call everyone to me and say something like, "Thank you for all your hard work!  I couldn't have done it without you! You've blessed me."  Even the big kids love to hear that.

Well, I was afraid I would have a hard time keeping this short!  And I was right! :)  I'm glad to share the things God has taught me with you, anytime you ask, Sandy. I'm learning every day myself.
                               

DIY Chalkboard

After seeing several versions of DIY chalkboards, I really wanted to try one of my own.  The mudroom/pantry seemed like a good place to put one.

So one day, in between coats of paint on the kitchen cabinets, I went out to the cobhouse in search of pieces for a chalkboard.

To me the cobhouse is like my own private salvage yard.  During our remodeling last year, we put many, many pieces of trim board, scraps of wood, and more in the cobhouse.  Just in case we could use them later. I love to go out and look over all it all. 

After scrounging around, I found 4 boards that seemed perfect to me.  And one of them was a beautiful piece of trim with moldings that had been over a doorway.

 

A little sanding and wiping down, and a little paint would surely help them out.  (there were 4 pieces, but one of them was leaning out of this shot, against the house)

With some help from Kate, I sanded them down lightly, and then applied 2 coats of primer.  One coat of my trim paint was all they needed afterwards. 

Then my Handsome Carpenter helped me measure the length we thought would look good for the finished product.  He had to trim a little off the edges of one or two of the trim boards to even them up.  Next he went to Menards, bought a piece of primed plywood for the chalkboard, and cut it to fit inside the trim.

2 coats of chalkboard paint gave just the right amount of coverage.

Here’s what I used!

 

 

It took less than 2 hours to dry outside on a breezy, sunny day.

 

Glenn used a combination of wood glue and screws to put it all together.  And then I sanded lightly with a sanding block to give it a “loved” look.

 

I insisted on a picture. 

He’s so handsome. 

I love his dimples.

 

We let the paint cure for 3 days, and then I conditioned it.  This was easy!  I just took a piece of chalk, laid it on its side and rubbed all over the chalkboard.  Then I took a dry, soft cloth and wiped it all off.  And that was it!

 

 

It’s so heavy, we just leaned it up against the wall.  Don’t worry!  It’s not going anywhere.  :)

I think it will blend better when the rest of the trim is finished around the window and doorway, but at any rate… I love it!

It’s irresistibly hard to walk by it without drawing on it or writing something.

 

As for the kids…  what do they think of it?

This picture really sums it up…

Promise

 

We have a new member of our family!  Here she is…

Promise!

She is a 2 1/2 month old German Shepherd/Mastiff mix.

Sweet as can be.

She’s here primarily as a result of Alix’s many years of faithful, and fervent, prayers for a dog. All of the kids are in love with her and during her 1 week as a part of our family, she has received as much love and attention as any puppy could hope for.

The story of how God brought her to us is a reminder of God’s faithfulness and perfect timing.  For in the same way that the Proverbs say the king’s heart is like streams of water in the LORD’s hand – that He turns it wherever He pleases, God turned the heart of the puppy’s previous owner to find favor with us.

 

We originally bought her almost 3 weeks ago.  But after 3 hours, just enough time for the kids to fall in love with her, her owner called to say she hadn’t realized we were going to keep Promise outside.  She was very fearful about coyotes getting her and about Promise being neglected by the kids since she wouldn’t be inside the house every day.  She also told us that because of Promise’s Mastiff lines, her short hair wouldn’t keep her warm enough in the winter if she was outside at night.  

And although Alix was heartbroken when I told her, she looked at me with tears trickling down her cheeks, caressing the puppy in her lap, and said, “This is one of those trials that we’ve talked about, that God is giving to us to strengthen our faith.  We don’t understand it right now, but we trust Him, right Mom?”

  

So we gave her back. 

And truly, there was much weeping in our home that day.

 

We spent the next 2 weeks looking for puppies.  And both times we found one, the shelters changed their minds within 24 hours, and we had no puppy after all.

Then last Monday, Glenn asked me what I would think of calling Promise’s owner.  He had kept a correspondence with her because she wanted to help us find another puppy, one that was 6 months old or older, and could protect itself against a coyote.  She runs a dog rescue shelter in her home and is on several lists of dogs in urgent situations, and had emailed us a few times to try to match one for us.

Glenn suggested to me that we keep Promise crated in our mudroom at night, and then take her outside each day, until she was old enough to protect herself against the coyotes.  (She will certainly be big enough!)

  Then if our barn/garage isn’t ready by next winter, we could make a heated dog house for her in our cobhouse. I thought it was a great idea. But I had doubts the owner would change her mind.

 

But God moved her heart like a stream of water. He directed it where He chose.

And this sweet puppy is home. 

 

Loved and adored by all of us.

 

Well maybe not quite all of us yet.   Ahem…

But they are making progress…